sad.

to let go
to move on
to be free
to be adored

and ray lamontagne is singing let it be me and my heart just sinks
thats how it feels
a sinking down, pulling down
not being able to keep your face from falling
'there may come a time you just cant seem to find your place
thats when you need someone
someone that you can call
when all your faith is gone
it feels like you cant go home
let it be me'

and oh my god i am so watery
this staying stagnant with her
this dragging out
dragging down

i dont know what i believe
i dont think i believe any of it but
god i want to
i want the dip and the light and her face at soup
i want the way she used to look at me
until the day she was done
that same look
that she simply adored and loved me
for all that i was
all that we were and had

and so now here i am
and she doesnt have that sense
so why the fuck do i do this to myself

why do i listen to someone tell me they love me
after all of this
the devastating way
the unsure baby steps
the bullshit
the lies
the betrayal
all of it

i know i could never look at her face and trust her again
believe the love she has
i wish more than my being can express that this had never happened
it has shaken me